See What I'm Saying Movie

I am so flattered that I am already receiving some fan mail and stories by people finding me through our online trailer for the film and through great groups like D-Pan helping me spread the word about the film.

Here is part of an email and song lyrics that were sent to me by Dave Showers, a deaf musician in Indiana who is on a journey.



i want to introduce myself to you. i have visited the d-pan website a couple of times and last night was the first time that i saw the clip,"see what i'm saying". it really captured my eyes therefore i kept watching it over and over again! TL was the top subject in the clip! not because she's beautiful but because i can relate to her with the hearing loss and the music. i knew i wasnt alone.

my name is dave showers and i am from noblesville, indiana.i am 25 years old and i graduated at the indiana deaf school in 2003. i was born in san diego, califorina august 23rd 1983 and i was born hearing. after i was born, i had a breathing problem because my lungs were too small and the doctor had to put oxygen on me to keep me alive. eventually, my parents found that i had a hearing loss because i could not hear them when they called my name and they took me to the doctor and the doctor said that my eardrum was damaged from the oxygen and i had to wear it for a few months. it was the only way to keep me alive or else i would have died. i was still able to hear but not 100% and thats how i became hard of hearing.

all my life i grew up having problems because of my hearing loss. i took speech class when i was probably 5 or 6 years old. i had to learn how to talk and learn to hear with the hearing aids. i moved to many different states because of my dad's job and because i got kicked out of the school for misbehaving. i couldnt fit in with the students at the public school or at the deaf school because i was different from all of them. hearing people mocked me because of my voice sounded different and i could not pronounce some words right. just when i thought i talked normal but it turned out that i sounded odd. deaf people mocked me because im not deaf and that i can talk and hear. not only that, they also made racist remarks because im part mexican and part white. i suffered a lot and i pretty much was in a cage in my own world. i went counseling very often to work on my issues. i had very low self esteem and i would isolate myself from everybody. sometimes, i would detest myself for being deaf because it really put a lot of pressure on me and i couldnt find my own identity. i would pretend that im not deaf or hard of hearing and i tried to convinced myself that im hearing but they could see that im hard of hearing by reading lips and the way i talk. there was no way i was able to deny it. its all there.

when i was growing up, i was into music at the heart and still am to this very day. it became a part of my life and its also from my mom's side heritage. i have cousins and aunts and my mom and my sister that sings and plays instruments. i was into different music and my sister used to play the piano. i didn't play an instrument or write lyrics at the time. i was just a fan enjoying the sound of the music.

i was still having issues dealing with my hearing loss because im living in the real world. i had problems at work because people got irriated by me and didnt want to communicate with me. they yelled at me because i couldnt hear or couldnt understand what they were saying. from there, i decided not to talk anymore out in public so i started writing on papers whenever i go to places. it was complicated because i was trying to accept who i am. i was always talking only to my family and some people that i trust and i was always writing on papers and signing to my deaf friends. some hearing people mocked me because my voice sounded odd and it made me very angry that i lose my confidence and i felt that i have no faith or there's no hope for my future. i just went back to the cage and isolated myself from everybody again. i was still in doubt and it made me realized that i might not be able to sing because my voice is not normal than i thought it was. in my heart, i wasnt going to give that up because music is still my passion and its my life. it has been with me since i was a kid. i still want to form a band and i am not sure if it has chosen me because for me to find out, i have to make it happen. i dont know where my path is right now though.

i have talents bottled up inside of me. i dont want it go to go waste and i dont want the opportunities to pass because i still have connections with some of the bands. i want to do something thats all about passion than money. at the same time, bands have to make money because they have bills to pay. its my dream to travel the world and see different people,different culture and different environments.

when i found out about TL last night, i jumped out of my chair thinking if she can do it then i can do it and the fact that she and i have so much in common. our life is the same story but a different chapters. i listened to her music on myspace and i was impressed. i kept wondering how did she do it, how did she formed her own band.

i also like the beetoven's nightmare. the dude is insane on the drums!

i refuse to give up my dreams and my goals. i know theres hope for me and i want to do some thing with my life than be stuck working at meijer for the rest of my life. thats when i had to contact you and asked you to have TL contact me. i am getting old now and its not too late if i get help and get inspired right away. i just cant do it alone without someone supporting me. i want to bring my music and my story to life. its the matter of time and age.

i have to stop now but i could go on. talk to you soon.

dave showers


I am hoping others read his lyrics and see that they are not alone. His lyrics are posted here with permission:

[NOTE: Audism is a term used to describe discrimination or stereotypes against deaf or hard of hearing people, for example by assuming that the cultural ways of hearing people are preferable or superior to those of deaf or signing culture, or that deaf people are somehow less capable than hearing people. It also can be used to describe the opposite, deaf people who scorn those with hearing.]

"Audism" 8/29/08

I lived long enough to be
I still don't know who I am
I can never be who I never was
I'm tired of hearing the dead
When there's only a shadow

There's no reason to sign
But my voice is eerie
They can still see who I am
There's no walls to deny myself

Don't repeat another word cause
I'm afraid I'll be another mistake
No one can repair who I never was
It was never a miracle

They rejected me all my life
Cause I'm not one of them
I didn't chose to live this way
Don't say I'm not a mistake
Cause god can't take it back

I serve no purpose but death
Will not come for my soul
Its hard to believe in myself
Faith has given up my confidence
All my goals are a dead dreams
my hope will die with me

The world has rejected me
I can't find myself anymore
I will never be born again
I refused to accept who I am not
I have no sympathy for me

I don't want to know who I am
Cause I don't know who I am anymore
I don't want to know who I am
Cause I don't know who I am anymore
I don't want to know who I am
Cause I don't know who I am anymore

Dave showers

"Everybody else has touch the world
I have seen it with my eyes
I can only touch it in my dream
My life is out there somewhere
Not enough money to get me everywhere
But my talent will get me there someday"

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About Me

Hilari Scarl

Hilari Scarl
Los Angeles, CA, USA
Hilari Scarl is the director/producer of the feature film "See What I'm Saying: The Deaf Entertainers Documentary." This blog is a journey of thoughts about the film.
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An award-winning documentary that follows four well-known entertainers in the deaf community: a comic, a drummer, an actor and a singer as they overcome personal obstacles and celebrate professional landmarks.

Running time: 90 minutes
Rated PG-13

Directed and produced by
Hilari Scarl
© 2010

Available for bookings.
The DVD is now on sale!